Rain in Novomoskovsk

It was just another November afternoon in Novomoskovsk. Grey clouds hung heavily and lowly, their stomachs scraping and sliding across the steeples of the Sviatotroitsky Cathedral. The steeples ripped the clouds open and the clouds loosed their rains upon me. I hurried toward the cathedral, stepped up onto the stone stairway and pulled open the heavy wooden doors. I was instantly blinded by the gleaming opulence of that so orthodox of altars. Someone (I assume it was the priest) spoke to me anxiously and I turned toward the voice. Fortunately, I had been taught Russian by an Emperor Penguin during my sojourn in Antarctica (I was there overseeing a government-sponsored crew of scientists who were intent on discovering a method to keep the ice caps from melting by using solar powered fans to generate cold air. They were failing miserably—several had been abducted by polar bears to be their wives—and morale was low. The penguin’s accent was impeccable; apparently, she had spent some time in a zoo in Saint Petersburg and had been befriended by a KGB agent who had been working undercover as a sea lion.).
Though our dialects were distinctly of differing regions, the priest and I could understand each other well enough to communicate. After explaining my problem to him, he let me know that he was the owner of a Russian Spaniel named Fedya, and that he had been trained as a seeing-eye dog. He offered Fedya’s services to me, for which I thanked him profusely, and he ran off to grab the dog’s harness—as he exited the nave I listened to his ungainly step reverberate throughout the empty cathedral: CLIP-clop-clop-CLIP-clop-clop-CLIP-clop-clop.
“THREE?! WHY THREE?!” I yelled after him. In response, I heard a high-pitched squeal followed by a thick, low hum, then the CLIP-clop-clop-CLIP-clop-clop-CLIP-clop-clop grew as he returned, with Fedya panting at his side. The priest handed me the dog’s harness; his fingers were long tendrils which, for just a moment, wrapped around my wrist. A jolt shook my body and I tried to run; I couldn’t move at all. The dog let out a sound that was peculiarly similar to a laugh. The priest reached out and laid his “hand” on my chest. The tips of each of his fingers had a small concavity, rimmed with a soft, thin piece of flesh. Where the centre of the concavities lay against my chest, I felt seven pinpricks. After this first moment of pain, I felt flashes of light pass through me. I let out a low moan and heard the dog yipping beside me. The yipping was replaced by a noise very much like the one I had made, and then I felt the dog’s head, rubbing between my legs as he started licking my balls. I tried to push him away, but I still couldn’t move.
From this, I remember falling, and the sound of the priest squealing in pleasure and the dog’s heavy breathing slowly becoming dimmer. When I awoke, I could see again, but I lacked pants and underwear. I could also move again. I pulled off my t-shirt and stuck a leg through each of the arm-holes. I smiled at my swiftness of thought, but then looked down. My cock and balls were hanging down through the neck hole of the shirt. I bundled up the loose folds of the t-shirt above its shoulders and wrapped my belt (which, for some reason, had been left behind) around this bundle and cinched it tightly. Walking toward the heavy wooden doors of the church, I passed a piece of shimmering glass, which threw my reflexion back at me; I looked very little like the fellow who had entered the cathedral: my hair was long and dirty and I had a long, scraggly beard, hanging down past my collar bones. Also, I had a large lump in the middle of my chest. I looked down, and saw the lump writhe slightly. Seven long tendrils, fine as hairs, grew suddenly from my chest, and gathered together. In one motion, they slid from the height of my nipples down to my belly button, opening a thin line in my skin. Out fell a little creature. I shot my hand out and caught it and brought it up closer to my face to examine it more carefully. Its hands each had seven long, tendril-like fingers, it had three legs, the middle one slightly shorter than the outside two. Its body was covered in white fur, which was mixed with several large black patches and streaked with dark speckles. It had a tail, also covered in black fur. But it had my nose.